While laying in my bed trying to drift off to sleep last night, I thought about a book I'd finished reading. It's central theme was forgiveness. Although the story was fiction, it was written in a way that I, as well as other readers, I imagine, questioned the main character's choices. In the same situation, would I make the same decisions? In the novel, the main character was able to forgive and show love to one who had attempted to take all she had, including her life.

In the midst of my contemplations, a particular person entered my mind. This person has never committed a major offense against me, yet for so many years I have felt rejection from her. So many little things, whether done to me or my family, have cumulated to build a tower of hurt. I have struggled with forgiveness towards her, and have many times chosen to forgive. I don't always feel forgiveness, and at times I may not want to forgive. I could so easily justify my desire to remain callus towards her. Yet the Bible reminds me that the heart is deceitful above all things. I understand that forgiveness, like love, is much more than a mere emotion; it is a choice. Sometimes we have to make the choice over and over again, as I have had to towards this individual.

As I lay in bed and these thoughts ran through my mind, I sensed the Lord speaking to me. "Have you forgiven her?" He asked. I responded, "Yes, Lord. I have chosen to forgive her. It's hard, and at times my heart rebels. But I have made the decision to forgive."

Ok, so ya gotta love those times when the Almighty God asks you a question, you respond in what you believe to be a positive manner, and His next statement is, "Ooh, reaaaallllyyyyyy." it was not a question. It was a statement. A long, drawn out statement.

I didn't respond. I simply thought, "Uh oh!" and braced myself.

The Lord then proceeded to lay out "my brand" of forgiveness. Yes, many times I have chosen to forgive this person. Many times I have prayed for her to come to know the Lord as her Savior, is she doesn't already. Many times I have asked Him to change her heart according to His plans for her.

What I didn't realize until last night is that I have never asked the Lord to bless her coming in and her going out. I have never asked for healing or provision in whatever areas she may need them. I have never asked for Him to use her greatly, to raise her up as a mighty woman of God, to fulfill His ultimate plans in her life.

In short, I have never asked big things for her. I was content to ask for the mediocre - salvation and basic needs.

Don't misunderstand; it wasn't my intentional plan. I didn't even realize that's what I had been doing until the Lord God revealed it to me.

As if that didn't already have the conviction fires burning in my heart, I learned He wasn't done with the lesson just yet. He paused for a few moments, letting His words sink in, then He began again.

"I have told you in My Word, that the measure you mete out to others will be the measure I mete out to you." GULP. Say what?? I was speechless. There's times it's just best to remain silent in His presence. This was one of those times.

He continued. "You've been asking about the dreams I have given you. I have promised great things for you, but you are questioning because they haven't yet come to pass. You are tired of having barely enough, and you pray for more than enough, that you can bless others. You desire to go farther, to do more, for Me. It is good to have those desires, but do you not yet understand? The measure in which you forgive others is the measure in which I forgive you. If you ask me to give her the basics, why do you ask me to give to you more than enough? If you ask me to give her salvation, but not to use her mightily, why do ask me to use you more? What you desire for her is what I will give to you. The measuring stick will not change, for I am no respector of persons."

'Nuff said. End of lesson. I mean, like I would attempt to improve upon HIS words??

So where have you been on the "forgiving" stick? Have you measured it out as fully as you should? Has someone crossed your mind while reading this that you may need to bless more in your prayers? Does it surprise you that some blessings you've been asking for may have been withheld because of the measure of forgiveness you've measured out to someone else? Will you, like me, be repenting of this "only the basics" mindset and focusing on lengthening your forgiveness measuring stick? Comments!

What are you struggling with today? Maybe bills are piled high, and you're not sure how you're going to make all the ends meet. Perhaps you got into an argument with your spouse this morning, and the conversation has replayed in your mind dozens of times throughout the day. Life is full of disappointments and troubles, and no one is immune.

Emotions can be sneaky little critters. They like to hide, and often masquerade themselves as something else. The children work on our last nerve, and we lash out in anger. Yet we may not actually be angry with them; we may be feeling unfulfilled, thinking we are "just" a Mom or Dad. Being a parent is a full-time job, and it may leave us feeling like we have lost ourselves, our own identity, in the process.

We have become a society of emotionally disconnect. We have been led to believe that our emotions are offensive to others (most people are uncomfortable around an individual who is crying) and harmful to ourselves. In response, we bottle up our emotions. If we do this often enough, we come to a point where we are no longer able to show emotion; for many, we cannot even adequately identify the emotions we are feeling.

This concept is prevelant in Christian circles, as well. In fact, I believe it is MORE prevelant among Christians. The Bible tells us 365 times to not fear; therefore, we are led to believe that if we are fearful, then we are not trusting in the Lord. Jesus told His followers not to worry about what they would eat or wear, because the Father knows the need and already has a plan. Hence, we are taught that to be concerned about the stack of bills spilling out of the mailbox is, in the eyes of God, sin.

The problem with this concept is that we are human, and we do have these emotions. God created us - surely He knew the emotions we would experience. Surely He foresaw that we would struggle with fear, doubt, unbelief, anger, jealousy, and so many others. So how do we go from a Creator who formed our hearts to experience emotions, to a God who says, "Don't fear; don't worry; don't harbor unforgiveness"?

In Joshua 1, the Lord tells Joshua to lead the children of Israel into the promised land. Numerous times, He says, "Be strong and of a good courage." Each time, He follows it with a reason. "Be strong and of a good courage, for you will divide this land among the people as an inheritance, as I promised." "Be strong and very courageous, that you may remember and do as I have asked, and you will prosper wherever you go." "Be strong and of a good courage; do not be afraid, for the Lord is with you wherever you go."

We are told to take everything to the Lord. This does not mean only physical situations; we are to take our emotions to Him, as well. The Bible tells us not to fear, yet I am afraid. He allows us, even expects us, to be honest with Him. We can pray, "Father, I am fearful. According to Your Word, let Your perfect love cast all fear out of my heart and mind." While we are quiet and still before Him, He is then able to speak into our spirits, "Be strong and of a good courage; do not be afraid, for I am with you."

For most of my teenage and adult life, I suffered from depression. I knew the symptoms; I heard the diagnosis from the doctor. Yet, I continued to say, "I do not have depression. I'm just in an off mood today. Maybe I just didn't get enough rest last night." I tried and tried to ignore away the symptoms. I fought to gain control over the dark emotions that ate away at me. Then one day, I felt the Lord speak to me, "If you are not sick, then why would you need a physician? If you are adamant that you do not have depression, they it stands to reason that you would not need me to heal you of it." I repented of my stubbornness, admitted to Him that I was sick and needed a physician, and asked Him to take the depression from me. A few weeks later, the depression was gone, although I have to continue to guard my heart against learned behaviors. 

In the same way, our Father does not want us to hold on to things that are harmful to us. Yet as our Creator, He knows the emotions are there. In His love and grace, He waits for us. We must admit the destructive emotions, knowing that He will not condemn us for them, but will take them from us, teaching us how to instead use our emotions to nurture ourselves and others.

Show me some comment love! What emotions have you been experiencing lately? With the Lord's help, how will you turn the negative into positive?