Today I am 36 years old. I don't really get excited about birthdays - especially my own. But last night, as I was laying in bed drifting off to sleep, I had a sense of...not really excitement...expectation, perhaps?

By far, my 29th birthday was the worst of my life. That year, my father died. I wanted to forever remain 28, with my precious dad still with me. During that year, I also faced crises with my children, and divorce with my husband. I had to return to work to help pay the expenses my father left behind. I also had to move in with my mother and become her full-time caregiver. Yes, that was definitely my worst year.

However, I realized last night that this year is poised to become one of my greatest years. My writing tops the list of expectations. A year ago, I never dreamed of becoming a writer. It began as something I knew the Lord was speaking to me about. Over time, as the vision grew, He took me on a faith walk that caused me to mature, both spiritually and emotionally. Now, a year later, I have a completed manuscript, and am in contact with one of the nation's most well-known Christian publishers, and they are interested in publishing You're Not Alone. 

My writing is not the only reason for a sense of expectancy. I will also (hopefully soon) be beginning a business for my crafts. At this point in time, the only crafting I do is crocheting, but that will change. I have already received a few orders, and feel like there are more on the horizon. 

I also am eager to see where God will bring me during this year. I feel like He has done so much in me over the past few years. He has wrought a good work in me. I know there is more in store. His word says that He is able to do more than we can ask or think. Well, I can ask and think a whole lot! So if He is able to do in me more than I can think, watch out devil, because I will be unstoppable!

Several other things crossed my mind during those wee hours of the morning, but I won't get into them here.

Suffice it to say, that as a new year begins for me, I am thankful for my life - I only have it because God chooses to continue breathing His breath into me. As I look forward to the coming year, I am eager. I have no crystal ball in which I can view all that is to come - but I know it will be a wild ride. Everyone buckled in?!

Boredom. Worry. Fear. Depression. These, and others, are feelings of being dissatisfied. When we are feeling dissatisfied, we are saying that we are not happy with what we have or where we are in our life. In essence, our feelings of dissatisfaction tells the Lord that He is not doing a good enough job. We should have dreams and goals, for they give us direction and help to drive us on. However, the Bible also tells us to be content in all things.

My mind is lingering on boredom above the others. We all experience boredom at times. Boredom, for me, does not point to a lack of something to do. There is usually plenty that I could be doing. However, it's stuff that I do not want to do.

The Lord has told us to not worry. He has told us to not fear. Well, what about boredom? Is boredom wrong? When we feel bored, what is really going on in our hearts? What should we do when we feel that type of dissatisfaction?

As I have already mentioned, when I am bored, there is usually plenty I could be doing. Perhaps laundry has piled up, or tonight's dishes haven't yet been washed. Maybe I should be spending that time writing or working on a craft project that I've been wanting to complete. However, I will usually sigh and complain about there being nothing to do.

In reality, this boils down to a heart of ungratefulness. There are many who have gone hungry tonight, yet I am less than thrilled about having to wash dishes after feeding myself and my family. Many people are homeless; I grumble about having to do laundry. I say I am thankful for the Lord giving a ministry of writing; yet, what kind of steward am I when I allow the process to become tedious to me? I thoroughly enjoy crafting; however, at times I allow my joy to be stolen because I feel there is something "better" I could be doing, something that I would gain enjoyment from.

As the Lord deals with me on boredom and other feelings of dissatisfaction tonight, I do not believe I am done exploring this topic. I'm sure I will continue to meditate on it in the days  to come. In the meantime, what are your thoughts?